That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
