If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
