Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
