so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
