i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
