she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want to make out with him forever
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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