I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
