dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
