it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
