I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you win again, gameday.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
