Whoa Z and x make the same sound
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
