i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
