her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
