Apparently you make a good broom.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
