the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
