So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
