playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
