There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
