I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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