After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
