I wannas sexs uuuuu
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
