I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
