But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
