I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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