Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize