Your tits are I can't wait for
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
