Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
