I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
