He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
