That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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