I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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