apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize