I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
