i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
