Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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