Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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