honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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