also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I had to cum in my sink.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize