unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
