I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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