grandma shit on top of the toilet
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
