just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
