apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize