i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
