Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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