today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
