We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
