I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
