All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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