I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
