Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
