there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize