i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
