I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
