I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
