It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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