one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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