i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
