btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
