you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
