i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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