who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
