all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize