it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
