she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
