before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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