I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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