Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
