So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
