im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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