She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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