Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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