I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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