Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
