brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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