New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
