Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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