Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
