i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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