just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
