addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
