Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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