I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Drake has all the answers
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
