Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
