i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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