So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
