Non-Jews are for practice
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
