How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You were trust falling into bushes
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
