I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
