I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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