no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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