Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
