When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
