You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
