That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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