I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All I want is dick and wine.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize