he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
