no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
