Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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