I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
