The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I enjoy the company of your penis
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
