Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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