We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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