Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
