hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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