he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
