walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
